Ironically, Valentine's Day falls just after the Celtic Imbolc. Interestingly, in the Southern Hemisphere, Pachamama Day is celebrated each year on August 1st, which, like Imbolc, celebrates the coming of light and fertility—similarities even though we are completely different cultures.

What is love?

Love in self, friendship, or a partnership is the will to give without expecting a return. It guides you to be a better version of yourself because you want to, again with no expectations. It is all-encompassing and natural. It’s about loving the difficult as well as the easy parts. You may think it's weird that I added self in this paragraph. However, when you love yourself, you want to be the best version of yourself. You don't do it for praise or recognition; instead, it's the feeling it gives you from within that shines outward and guides you - as you'll see at the end of this writing.

In Andean Cosmology and Taoism, everything in life is a dance. A relational dance, with both friction and joy.

Yanantin is a Q’ero word that roughly translates to opposites. In most modern cultures, differences are feared, ostracised, or put into separate packages. In Yanantin, opposites or differences are complementary, this is also reflected in Carl Jung's theory of the Shadow and its components. The Yanantin and Shadow are not differences, per se, but are better described as opposite energies that bring together parity, where the quality highlights a congruous.

A family is the most challenging of relational entities. I often describe it as a chance mixing of a group of people, each from a different planet. They are thrust together, to be happy, in harmony, and not kill each other. Much like husbands or wives, although they are by choice. In our culture, we experience love and hate, while other cultures embrace the poetic dance of joy and friction. How different the words shape the situation.

Love is a relational dance characterized by moments of friction as well as joy, which ultimately balance each other out. Without friction, we wouldn’t be challenged to explore the perspectives that we often hide or shadow. In all forms of love—whether self-love, friendship, or romantic relationships—we tend to view our expectations of what it is, through the lens of our own desires and needs. How can we embrace an all-encompassing love if we don’t acknowledge the different aspects? Even those parts we don't want to see.

I have three mini-Rose Quartz hearts that I sell, and they signify
- Love of self
- Love of another
- Receiving love
These three components are interconnected in any relational dynamic. How can we receive love, if we are not open to what is given? How can we give love, if we do not understand what love truly is?

Often people tell me that they don’t feel love in their relationship. It's fascinating listening to couples because it seems like they live in different houses, even countries sometimes. A clinical psychologist mentioned that he had a couple in therapy for trauma who described their experiences as if they were in different situations, even though they were literally sitting next to each other during the time. Returning to love, people express themselves in various ways, some through words, some through actions, some with gifts, or by giving support, to mention a few. Interestingly, people only ‘feel’ love the way they express it. For example, if I’m a word person, I will look for love through words, or if I’m an action person, I’ll look for love through actions, but what if a words and action person come together?

When you are in the friction and the joy, be conscious of what you are expressing and be aware of what you are receiving. This is both the challenge and the ingredients to receive openly and give.

What does it mean to receive openly?

Everyone wants love.
Perhaps these are ideas romantised from popular culture, movies or media.
No one can give you love. It’s not something you can buy or swallow.
If you want happiness, Be Happiness.
If you want love, Be Love.

When I first heard these pearls of wisdom, my initial thoughts were, well I’d like to be an eagle… Yes… Ok, I’ll just BE love, BE happiness, snap my fingers and poof… Nothing happened? What? I thought. This is crazy! Whoever said these words of wisdom is mad, living on some happy island or something? Really??

As would happen. Life goes ha-ha with a bold loud laugh - here it says, take this challenge, and sour like an eagle into happiness. Poof. Life threw me a challenge. It was so hard. I sincerely doubted the wisdom and the guidance. I seriously doubted myself.

This lesson taught me, that we might think things happen with a poof and it appears. Want a new job, lose weight, sleep better, be happier, a fully furnished first house? Life is not like that. Life doesn’t use the Google algorithm of must have NOW and deliver. In the Q’ero tradition, they liken life to weaving a cloth, which is seen throughout their culture.

I am thankful to life, for its humour and guidance. Through my difficulties, I was able to see happiness in a genuinely unhappy time in my life.

The story I’m about to share comes from a time when I was challenged in many ways. I didn’t have food in the house. One day, I was out and stopped at a shop, where I found a throwaway bin. The bin contained all the expired food at a really cheap price. As I sifted through the items, I felt a mix of emotions: shame, sadness, and a sense of being an outcast. It wasn’t just the expired food that troubled me—I often eat things past their expiry date—it was what this situation represented in my life; at that time. I can honestly say that I have eaten some questionable items from that bin, unsure of what they were, even if the label indicated them. However, all are steps in the lesson.

The first time it happened, I was driving, all tense and negative, when a thought popped into my head “Chilli con carne”, Mmm, I thought, not giving it another second. I stopped at the shop, went to the throwaway bin, and there in front of me, a chilli con carne – Wow I said with a huge smile. I didn’t give the experience another thought.

Another time, I was driving to the shop and the thought “ribs” popped into my head, “Oh yes” I said. Promptly dropping the thought. At the shop, I walked to the throwaway bin, and as if like a gift, there was one packet of pork ribs, as if for me. Well, of course, I took it.

Eventually, as the exercise was randomly repeated, I woke up to the messages or opened to receiving, and I utterly looked forward to that thought, from an angel. I mean, it was surprisingly clever and knew me quite well. This hard experience showed me how to be happiness, which also meant no more unmentionable foods, the angel was quite ingenious. It wasn’t elaborate, just simple. It was being happy, not for an object, or a thing, it was just happy. Like an elated feeling of gratitude.

The lesson I am giving here is that the wise words are true. It may not be the happiness you imagined or expected. It may not even happen when you want it. You may even try to force it, just a little, but no. The gift is in the surprise and being open to receive, even if just some cream crackers – which were surprisingly delicious. I can honestly say, happiness is much more than just a feeling. It truly is being, from the innermost and radiating out.

I took this lesson that I had learnt, into different challenges in my life, and wonderful things began to happen.

If we open ourselves to receiving, whatever is sent, no prediction, no expectation, whether it is the right or the wrong day, a good or a bad day. Just allow yourself to receive.

In this example, I received both love and happiness. I was supported through my challenge and guided towards being happiness and love.

This gift, I send to you. Like the Q’ero say “Urpichay Sonqochay” – I send a dove from my heart to yours.